It´s a Hard Life

During the last year, I´ve been quite emotional. It´s hard to get trough the daily life. Sometimes you aim for certain things and you reach your goal, but then, you realize that that goal is reachable for a short instance, later goes further and further away from you.

Now I feel weird. I love what I´m doing, it´s not that. I just have so many feelings I don´t know what to do with them. They´re all bugging me at the same time.

It seems like everything is non-reachable right now. I know I´m doing parts of my dreams, yet, they´re so far away. The University is good for me, my program is excellent, it´s one of the best, but the uni itself has a very poor reputation. Something we tried to research before deciding to get here. This university doesn´t participate in yearly rankings. At first I thought it was good, because they don´t want to get involved in stuff, I thought, but now I know that´s it´s the opposite.

It´s getting harder and harder. Again, I love the career I chose and the education is very good, our teachers are teaches at Drama Schools. Everything with the homework, essay, assessments etc, is filling my time up.

Recently, I tried out to be in a 3rd year production and I got it. Since it got delayed, all my things got kind of on top of each other and I can´t put on more responsibility than the ones I already have. Today, I had to write to the director and tell her that I can´t be in her scene. It sucks, because I wanted it, but right now, I´m not strong enough to put on too many things upon what I already have. I need to get into my life and start it over, since I really haven´t done that yet with all the shifting´s in my life - changing countries, schools, chasing dreams etc.

Anyways, I know I´ll work it out. I have to build up a strength for next semester so I can deal with all these thing in a better way. What gives me strength now is that I´m going home to mami for Christmas, I really need her to hug me, give me a kiss and tuck me into bed. Miss you so mamita.

xoxo